Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Thirsty Thursday: men and {their} faith


I'm going to try and speak as honestly and as "unedited" as possible here only because these wounds are fresh and still very raw for me. 

we just had a fight.
an ugly fight.
all because I want our date night this weekend to include Awaken

if you read my testimony then you'll have a better understanding of this post... or it might confuse you.. who knows.

when I met my husband we were both "Christians". He had been baptized, but didn't follow
I had never been baptized, but had very conservative "Christ-like" beliefs

So there we were, two "Christians" trying to make it work, and it did.
I truly gave my life over to the Lord May 17, 2009 and my life has been completely changed because of that day.

But now, I've grown and my husband hasn't.
It's so confusing, and catches me off guard sometimes.
My husband supports me in every decision I make, and loves me unconditionally, but sometimes I feel like he just doesn't get it. 
He doesn't see God in anything

He supported me when I told him I wanted to be a part of Awaken
He supported me and even goes with me to teach Pre-K Sunday School
but he wants nothing to do with it

He goes to church with me, but then gets offended when I want to discuss the sermon

He throws it in my face and makes me feel so guilty when I ask him to be a part of something with me

As long as we aren't talking religion, {I hate that word, it makes me feel like a Pharisee} things are great! but it's like "religion" is the only topic that we can't talk about 

When something amazing happens to me, I can't call him and be like "honey, you won't believe what God has done for me!!"

When he got his promotion a few weeks ago, he didn't see God in that {He was going to give his two weeks notice that day and 20 minutes before end of shift they called with their promotion}
When we bought our house, he didn't see God in that {The day before we even looked at our house a guy was supposed to close on it, but his loan fell through}

it makes sense to me, so why can't he see God in anything?

Have you ever seen the movie, The Invention of Lying?
well, he's told me that that's what he believes... That heaven is just some place that people have made up to make other people feel better about their passing

and it doesn't help that we have ministerial friends tell him that they're too busy for him 

it's not fair that I see and hear about these other women who have such "amazing, "Christ like" husbands and I'm stuck with the hard headed one.

It's simply not fair.
I've tried meeting him on his terms about it
but when I say "God" in front of him, it just doesn't feel right.. like I'm giving the coordinates of my platoon to the enemy... and I start to see a cringe in his eye...

but with everything I've just explained... He wants me to grow more in my relationship
He reads to Hannah a chapter in the Bible almost every night..

Say Whaaaaaaaaaaat????!
If he wants this so badly for me and children, then why doesn't he want this for himself?

I'm not trying to say that if he would just change things would be perfect. I don't want a perfect marriage, there's no such thing as a perfect marriage. I just think that if he had a deeper relationship with God he could actually see how I've come to the conclusions and decisions I've made.

Instead I just feel like he sees me as some Jesus Freak, or that I've drunk the Kool Aid... or something
We've seen all the Sherwood movies, Fireproof, Facing the Giants, Courageous and he's enjoyed them but doesn't see how/why they should motivate him to change

He's never tried to steer me in the wrong direction, but when I leave on Friday nights for Awaken, I almost feel guilty for leaving him home alone... with the kids.. {even though they go to bed an hour after I leave and he has full reign over the PS3 for 2-3 hours}

I feel like I'm giving up precious family time

I don't want him to think I'm trying to force him into "Chrisitanity" that's not it at all! I just want him to have the same joy I have in the Lord

I love and respect my husband more than any other person in this world.
If he told me I would have to stick my tongue to a frozen flag pole in the dead of winter to prove my respect,
I'd do it. {Oh don't act like you weren't thinking of the Christmas Story... cuz I know you were}

because he truly is the best y'all! We have the same views on everything else, expect that ole time religion.
It's weird how similar we are.
but completely different all at the same time.

I know that my God is there for me and I know He would never forsake me, but I can't help but shake the feeling that I'm being ignored here......

Only by God's grace is this going to get better.....
 I cant lose hope, I won't

sorry this was so mopy and sad
but that's what was on my mind

Until next time,
Love God Greatly :)

4 comments:

  1. WOW I can SOOOOO relate to you. My husband is the same way. He will go to church, he will go to church activities, he will watch the movies (we too have seen all of the Sherwood movies), he wants our kids to learn about and love God but he does not want to talk about it. The crazy thing is my husband used to not believe at all but in 2009 he came to know Christ on his own and was baptized. We were actually baptized together it was so special. But some where over the last 3 years he has down slide so much. It seems he is back where he was before. He tells me often his relationship with God is his business and I can not push him. I am like you though I do not want to push him I just want to understand where the disconnect is in his heart and mind. I often wonder if he struggles where I struggle. And that is knowing how to live in this world and be a Christian. How to be yourself and not compromise who people know you as and love God. I often struggle with wondering if people can see the Love of God in me. I wonder if my husband thinks he has to give up things of this world like PS3 games or computer games to be a Christian and maybe that seems to much to give up to him. I am so glad I came by to visit your blog.
    Love
    Patricia @ thettdiaries.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Men are different...and not just in relating to religious topics. Earlier in our marriage we struggled with this, and I prayed a lot about it. In the last few years (our marriage is 14 years so far) I've come to see how he physically is Christlike - quick to volunteer to help roof somebody's house, lend his tools to neighbors, do extra things for people at work, etc. That's his (physical) way of serving. Women are more verbal and social about it...like wanting to "discuss" how we see God in those little things. Keep praying for him but also pray for your own heart to love him for how he is different than you too. Together with your differing strengths you two as a couple can make a beautiful difference in the world :). Sending love :) from the blog world.

    Bobi
    http://westernwarmth.blogspot.com

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  3. Just seen you on today's Sunday Blog Hop hosted by Danielle. Perhaps you're trying to make him into something he doesn't want to be. One day, God will make him realise that what he does is just what God wants him to do, and he'll accept he does believe. Meanwhile, be happy in yourself, be darn grateful he doesn't try to tell the children his way is better, and stop beating yourself up! Honest, it will work out - in the end.

    For a change of emphasis, why not come around and visit the world of ColdhamCuddlies sometime: we'd love to see you! It can be found at www.ColdhamCuddliescalling.blogspot.com!

    I'll be following here too!

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  4. Aww, I'm sorry you're going through this :/ have you read The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel? The author was an atheist who sought out to disprove Jesus when his wife became to "religious" for his taste, but he ended up converting to Christianity. Just tell him it's interesting and that it would mean alot to you if he read it or heard it on audiobook. I know the movie is available on netflix too but I haven't watched it so I can't really vouch for it

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