Thirsty Thursday: men and {their} faith

I'm going to try and speak as honestly and as "unedited" as possible here only because these wounds are fresh and still very raw for me. 

we just had a fight.

an ugly fight.

all because I want our date night this weekend to include Awaken

if you read my testimony then you'll have a better understanding of this post... or it might confuse you.. who knows.

when I met my husband we were both "Christians". He had been baptized, but didn't follow

I had never been baptized, but had very conservative "Christ-like" beliefs

So there we were, two "Christians" trying to make it work, and it did.

I truly gave my life over to the Lord May 17, 2009 and my life has been completely changed because of that day.

But now, I've grown and my husband hasn't.

It's so confusing, and catches me off guard sometimes.

My husband supports me in every decision I make, and loves me unconditionally, but sometimes I feel like he just doesn't get it. 

He doesn't see God in anything

He supported me when I told him I wanted to be a part of Awaken

He supported me and even goes with me to teach Pre-K Sunday School

but he wants nothing to do with it

He goes to church with me, but then gets offended when I want to discuss the sermon

He throws it in my face and makes me feel so guilty when I ask him to be a part of something with me

As long as we aren't talking religion, {I hate that word, it makes me feel like a Pharisee} things are great! but it's like "religion" is the only topic that we can't talk about 

When something amazing happens to me, I can't call him and be like "honey, you won't believe what God has done for me!!"

When he got his promotion a few weeks ago, he didn't see God in that {He was going to give his two weeks notice that day and 20 minutes before end of shift they called with their promotion}

When we bought our house, he didn't see God in that {The day before we even looked at our house a guy was supposed to close on it, but his loan fell through}

it makes sense to me, so why can't he see God in anything?

Have you ever seen the movie, The Invention of Lying?

well, he's told me that that's what he believes... That heaven is just some place that people have made up to make other people feel better about their passing

and it doesn't help that we have ministerial friends tell him that they're too busy for him 

it's not fair that I see and hear about these other women who have such "amazing, "Christ like" husbands and I'm stuck with the hard headed one.

It's simply not fair.

I've tried meeting him on his terms about it

but when I say "God" in front of him, it just doesn't feel right.. like I'm giving the coordinates of my platoon to the enemy... and I start to see a cringe in his eye...

but with everything I've just explained... He wants me to grow more in my relationship

He reads to Hannah a chapter in the Bible almost every night..

Say Whaaaaaaaaaaat????!
If he wants this so badly for me and children, then why doesn't he want this for himself?

I'm not trying to say that if he would just change things would be perfect. I don't want a perfect marriage, there's no such thing as a perfect marriage. I just think that if he had a deeper relationship with God he could actually see how I've come to the conclusions and decisions I've made.

Instead I just feel like he sees me as some Jesus Freak, or that I've drunk the Kool Aid... or something
We've seen all the Sherwood movies, Fireproof, Facing the Giants, Courageous and he's enjoyed them but doesn't see how/why they should motivate him to change

He's never tried to steer me in the wrong direction, but when I leave on Friday nights for Awaken, I almost feel guilty for leaving him home alone... with the kids.. {even though they go to bed an hour after I leave and he has full reign over the PS3 for 2-3 hours}

I feel like I'm giving up precious family time

I don't want him to think I'm trying to force him into "Chrisitanity" that's not it at all! I just want him to have the same joy I have in the Lord

I love and respect my husband more than any other person in this world.
If he told me I would have to stick my tongue to a frozen flag pole in the dead of winter to prove my respect,
I'd do it. {Oh don't act like you weren't thinking of the Christmas Story... cuz I know you were}

because he truly is the best y'all! We have the same views on everything else, expect that ole time religion.
It's weird how similar we are.
but completely different all at the same time.

I know that my God is there for me and I know He would never forsake me, but I can't help but shake the feeling that I'm being ignored here......

Only by God's grace is this going to get better.....

 I cant lose hope, I won't

sorry this was so mopy and sad

but that's what was on my mind

Until next time,

Love God Greatly :)