Sunday, December 19, 2010

happy birthday, my love

I love this picture of Wes and me. I think it has to be my absolute favorite :) its a perfect depiction of Wes's personality, and of course, he hates it!

This post is for my husband, my love, father of my children. Happy Birthday to you! 25 years have come and gone since the Lord blessed your mother with your presence and now I have the pleasure of being blessed by you everyday.

You've been my biggest cheerleader over the passed few years and I only hope I can return the favor!!

Once again, Happy Birthday to you! I hope you enjoy the events of our celebration Monday - Hannah and I have worked hard to make it perfect ♥


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

are you sure it's a girl?

23 weeks today means that I'm 6 months pregnant. 23 weeks today means I have 16-17 weeks left. that means 4 months... 4 MONTHS people.

as some of you know we found out the gender very early on at 16 weeks. another sweet little girl.
Needless to say, everyone was surprised! There wasn't any disappointment on my part..  but my husband's reaction was another story.

I think Wes struggled a little bit with the news at first. His heart was set on having a boy just so he could have someone to carry on the family name. I don't want to say that I struggled with any misgivings, but I did feel like I let him down a little bit at first.

So how did I finally let go of my disappointment?

With God's help.

Two Sundays ago, my minister presented a sermon that I definitely needed to hear. One God knew I needed to hear. The sermon was entitled "When God Says No". There are several different reasons God tells you no. Sometimes it's because it's not what God has planned for your life, and other times it's because when God tells you no it's because you're asking selfishly.

When Hannah turned three Wes and I started talking about expanding our family and from then on we prayed for a boy.. So when we were given the glorious news of having another girl I was slightly confused. I prayed to God and asked why? I thought we had this one in the bag. We had an amazing God fearing little girl, we had prayed for a boy for the longest time so why bless us with another girl? I couldn't understand.

All throughout this sermon I began to ask myself these questions.. What was my reason for God telling me no? Did Wes and I selfishly ask for a boy? Did God have a better plan for us and our family?

 Then it hit me. Only a girl could bless Wes and me with grandchildren. Yes, a boy can as well but it's not the same. If that be the reason God chose another little girl for us to raise then I say BRING IT. Bring on all the little girls we can handle. Hair bows, dresses, and bloomers oh my!

Since then I've owned this pregnancy! I've accepted it with open arms. I've not complained tried not to complain about too many things. Every kick to the bladder, every braxton hicks, every hunger pain has almost gone unnoticed by my husband.. at least hopefully it has because I hope I haven't turned into one of those people that complains so much that I don't even notice it anymore.

List of Symptoms
pretty painful braxton hicks daily
ligament stretching
extreme hungry/hearty appetite
colostrum has definitely come in
strange, vivid dreams
dry nose
intermittent changes of nesting and exhaustion

Next appointment is next Thursday and I'm very excited to see how much progression we've made :)

Pic of Baby Girl at 23 weeks

I can definitely see progression in growth, but only from week to week
pictures... I look a lot smaller than this in person

In my opinion, of course ;)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

this is what i'm thankful for

I'm behind on my blogging and even taking belly pics, but this is my belly at 18w3d.

I am now 21 weeks.
at 20 weeks SHE was 13 oz
baby blog about that later. It's a long one and I don't have time right now to finish it.

Happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you I know I have so much to be thankful for :)

Saturday, November 6, 2010

U.S. troops in Afghanistan recite the Auburn Creed

In recent light of the devastating allegations of Cam Newton I am showing my support to him, the team, and the amazing staff at The Auburn University. 

1 Peter 5:10 states that:  And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

I believe in Auburn and LOVE IT! War CAM eagle YAWL! :)

Also, please continue to keep this university in your prayers, not only is the university having to deal with this, a professor of mathematics was killed in a car accident this week.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Cat in the Hat

As Hannah awoke me this morning at her "late" 6:45am calling I turned on her cartoons to find Cat in the Hat cartoons on PBS! what a joy! I knew they played in the afternoons, but I didn't know they played this early on a Saturday morning :)

This week has been pretty difficult and joyous all at the same time (in terms of the miracle growing inside me). Monday, I just was NOT hungry around dinner time so i nibbled. Tuesday morning, I still wasn't hungry.... strange bc I could always eat. Even if I wasn't pregnant, I would think about food all the time. It's just who I am. So I had a cup of coffee, my one caffeinated beverage of the day, and went off to work.  (but before I left, I felt her kick/punch me! ouch, did it ever hurt) My cooperating teacher asked me to take the students on an unscheduled bathroom break while she taught a small group math lesson. I was standing in the hall, watching my girls and I started feeling icky... and I know that feeling. I started feeling really hot, and my ears starting ringing very loudly. I headed back into the  classroom and got a diet sprite out of the frig because I knew my blood sugar was about to bottom out. I never fell over, but I blacked out twice on the way to the teacher's restroom. I knew those kids thought I was crazy or something. For the rest of the day I felt hungeover and I felt like I was passing a kidney stone :( strange if you ask me.

Wednesday was a better day, but Thursday I was a ball of nerves. We had an appt that afternoon for my quad testing and for an early gender ultrasound.. My husband and I (along with countless others) were convinced that we were having a boy.... mommy and daddy's intuitions turned out to be wrong... again.. IT'S A GIRL! I can't wait to see how much like Hannah this little one will look like. Only 6 more months to go.

I tell you what though. There's a lot more painful ligament stretching and braxton hicks than I remember the first go around. Yes, I said it, braxton hicks. At only 16 weeks. I guess that's one more reason I need to be "taking it easy" at home ;)

Just like every Saturday, I can't leave you without saying one thing...  Auburn is playing LSU today in AUBURN. Both teams are undefeated  and it's going to be a blood bath, all out war.. the very essence of football. my poor hubby is at work, but you better believe sweet Hannah and I are going to be cheering loud enough for all four of us!

WarR Cam EAGLE!!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Living Like A LaVecchia

As I checked my facebook this morning, I noticed my friend Christen FINALLY updated her blog after the birth of her first daughter, Emery Lynn on October 1. Little Emery Lynn was born 7 weeks premature and only weighed 4 lbs 14 oz!  I was extremely humbled and blessed by Christen's entry this morning, because I know God is using that little girl to already change lives. Because of our small little two-bedroom house, Wes and I are not able to give our little bumble a nursery... AND IM COMPLAINING about that. I've got a healthy family, a healthy baby growing inside me and I'm complaining about not being able to give him/her a nursery?! Little Emery Lynn is now 2 almost 3 weeks old now and still hasn't been able to go home with her mommy and daddy and I'm complaining about a nursery?!

I just wanted to give Christen and her husband, Mitch reassurance that your little fighter is getting bigger and stronger everyday, and that no matter how frustratingly slow her progress is, God truly is using her for good. Especially in my life :)

If you are interested in keeping up with Little Emery Lynn here is a link to Christen's blog:

Continue to keep Emery Lynn in your prayers for a quick recovery and a safe trip home :)

Saturday, October 2, 2010


today I am 13 weeks and 3 days. I told myself I wasn't going to update about my pregnancy all the time, but I really wanted to talk about this today.

I will try and set the background for you. it's been a tough semester. internship has been a huge struggle for me. From trying to take care of my family responsibilities, developing lesson plans, trying to get enough sleep in order to function, and trying to have a smile on my face and not be cranky was really starting to take a toll on my nerves. Every morning I woke up feeling like today would finally be the day I would break.

On my lowest day, I fell to my knees and prayed to God to fight these demons for me and to give me peace. I was in so much physical pain from the cramping I am still having, no sleep, and extreme hunger that I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of dealing with it on my own so I gave it all to God. The God of all Mercies and Comfort. 

I went to bed that night and slept better than I have in months. I didn't wake up with hunger pains at 1:30 that morning. I actually slept through the entire night. I gave it all to God and He blessed me. I said, "God, I trust you. I give it all to you" and He gave me peace. The weekend was even productive. I got some lesson plans written, cleaned the house, and even got to spend the afternoon with my family. 

and then the beginning of the week was here. I decided to stay late at school on Monday to grade papers and organize some things for the next day. I think about 4:30 my husband called to let me know that our house had been broken into and that all of our electronics had been taken. our tv, my husband's PS3, my professional camera, my computer, my back up computer, everything. since all these things were taken from us, I do not know when I will have good belly pictures for you. :(

Blessing Number 1 - we got a new front door.
Blessing Number 2 - who needs those things anyways? God revealed to me, once again, that nothing of this world is promised. Let me repeat that.NOTHING of this world is promised. 
Blessing Number 3 - We have no idea when this person broke in so my question is... did I really choose to stay at school late?
Blessing 4 - Even though I didn't have a computer for a few days, my husband surprised me with an upgraded version of the one that was stolen. 

I was so miserable before this happened. I never considered myself a materialistic person, but after this event, I realized how much I truly relied on our possessions. 

I was restless. I was thirsty. I hungered, I craved. I became complacent and allowed things of this world to control me. God heard my cry and calmed me.

Needless to say, its been an overwhelming week.
Starting tonight is the beginning of a crazy week.
Tonight is my sissy in laws bachelorette party.
it's my last week of my first placement.
14 week appointment on Tuesday.
Sissy in law is getting married Friday.
My niece is getting married Saturday. 
I know His love is never ending, but I wonder how this week is going to go for us.

Random Statement: My belly button is starting to poke out at 13 WEEKS!!!!! 
gaining more energy because I'm getting more sleep
still have a nasty dry nose and sometimes it's hurts to breath :(
I am already feeling the baby kicking/punching. 
I know the difference between gas pains and movement 
and it's definitely NOT gas pains.
I have now had 3 people tell me they think we are having a boy :)
My chest looks like a road map.
3 weeks til we find out the sex of the baby.

What do you think it will be? Boy or Girl?

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I have NOT fallen off

I know that its been a couple of weeks since the last baby update, so I decided to do another one just to ease everyone's fears of another miscarriage... We have NOT miscarried :) I am officially 3 months pregnant! 

Today starts my official 3rd month. The baby is no longer considered an embryo, but a fetus!

I have some pictures of my tummy this week, but I don't think I've "grown" any
since my last post so I am not going to put pictures up.

We go back to the doctor Oct 5. I will be 14 weeks along. 
I was going to wait until then to update, but that meant 
6 weeks without a baby update.

Last time we went to the doctor, the U/S tech had already left for the day
so I put the guilt trip on my doctor. Needless to say, he fired up
the machine so we could see the baby. 

He was not the best at operating the machine.. hehe

We didn't get to hear the heartbeat, but we did see it
We also saw little arms and legs starting to form.

Wes took a video of the appointment, but for some reason, it won't let me upload it
I was able to upload it to my facebook account, but not this one :(

As of today, the baby weighs a full ounce and is about the size of a plum.

Symptoms: Dry nose, insomnia at night/exhaustion during the day,
extreme hunger, cravings for salty food, leg hair growing more,
headaches and cramping everyday, sometimes almost all day

I've heard the leg hair and cravings are a sign of the
 testosterone surging
 through your body from a little boy,
 but of course they are old wives tales. 

I don't really care to the know the gender of the baby,
I would love for it to be a complete surprise,
but Wes is dying for a boy.
So of course, I am going to let him have his day 
and we are going to get an ultrasound when the time comes.

We have names picked out for both a boy
and a girl, but please don't ask. We want to keep that 
private and special until the new arrival gets here. 

I know I still have not made an update about our photo shoot,
but all in good time... all in good time ♥

I would like to end this post asking for prayers
for my dear grand daddy, Gendy.
They put him into the hospital Saturday, Sept 18
and did not release him until today, Sept 23

They do not know what happened, he just had a weak spell
he basically passed out.
I was not there to see witness it, but from what I've heard
it was a pretty scary moment

He is now at home resting
They have taken him off certain medications,
and have adjusted others,
but please continue to pray for his continued health

God is not through with him, yet.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Snow Days

ok so I know I said my next post would be about our photo shoot with Brittany Willis, but I just had to put this out there for you guys to read...

On the sixth day, God created men and women. On the
seventh day, He rested. Not so much to recuperate, but
rather prepare Himself for the work He was going 
to do on the next day. For it was on that day - the eighth 
day - that God created the first teacher.

This Teacher, though taken from among men and
women, had several significant modifications.
In general, God made the Teacher more durable than
other men and women. He made the Teacher tough... but
gentle, too. Into the Teacher God poured a 
generous amount of patience. He gave the Teacher
a heart slightly bigger than the average human heart.
And He gave the Teacher an abundant supply of hope.

When God finished creating the Teacher, He stepped
back and admired the work of His hands. And
God saw that the Teacher was good. Very good!
And God smiled, for when He looked at the Teacher, 
He saw into the future. He was placing the 
future in the hands of the Teacher. 

And because God loves Teachers so much, on the
ninth day God created "snow days"

During my internship I've had some pretty difficult days... this definitely makes up for it. Blessed are those who walk with the Lord

Also, Auburn plays Mississippi State tonight in about 10 minutes! so excited! WaRR EEagle!! Let's Go Cam Newton!!!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

You are the Best Thing that has ever been Mine

so this week I am 8 weeks pregnant! boy was it a shock! Both Wes and I thought it would take longer after the miscarriage to get pregnant again, but it didn't take long at all. About two months! we are so excited!

this was my belly the day we found out :)

and here I am just 4 short weeks later =)

Even with all that change, our little cutie pie is only about the size of a butta bean

no symptoms thus far.. but I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch!

Due date: April 6, 2011 !!
I want to personally thank everyone that prayed for us during the miscarriage! He and good and His timing is perfect! With Hannah loving school, internship going so well and now this, life is joyfully overwhelming!

Next post will be about the photoshoot by Mrs. Brittany Willis !!!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Grown ups

This post is going to be about my profession and the assignment I've been given:

Internship training starts in two weeks, Aug 11 to be exact and I'm very anxious to see how stressful this is going to get. I've heard that its one of the most stressful and confusing times of your (college) life, but I know it cannot be as stressful as being a brand new teacher with a brand new classroom with brand new students that are solely your responsibility. We had Hannah in Collegedale Christian last year for K3 and she learned so much! Those teachers truly were amazing. We've got her in Hooper this year, and I really hope I am not disappointed. I hope God can use those teachers to make an impact on not only her, but allow me to see things from a different perspective as well.

I read friend's status on FB that really spoke to me. It read, and I quote "We need to STOP telling our kids they can be whatever they wanna be. We know they can't -Im teaching mine to have REALISTIC ASPIRATIONS & not to chase fairytales" 

she's right. we shouldn't allow our children to think they can be whatever they want to be. We should teach them that GOD can do all things through them (and not they can do all things through God. God works in us). God is the source of goodness, love, and fairness in this world.   The godless might not always be kind, loving, or fair to us, but that is because they are godless and bad trees cannot bear good fruit (Matthew 7:18). Our purpose is to ALWAYS glorify God in everything we do. Whether that means teaching, helping, worshiping, feeding, donating, and especially being patient. You teach through example, you help through doing, you worship by praising your Lord. A person is being patient by listening, encouraging, and loving. All things are God. Just because you don't believe in God doesn't mean that he is not working in your life. He uses nonbelievers all the time for His glory. (Habakkuk 1:6) He uses them to challenge us to keep our faith. Now I'm getting off the subject. 

I hate the saying "Those who can, do - Those who can't teach" The person that first said this was obviously not a follower, because both God and Jesus are my teachers. They convict me everyday. They show me everyday how much of a sinner I am without them and how holy I can be with them (Leviticus 20:26) I have learned more from my God than any other person of this world. 

What I am saying, is that I have always felt a calling to be a teacher. Since kindergarten I have wanted to be in the classroom, and I am not going to allow something as silly as a stressful internship keep me from an assignment God has appointed me to. My daddy knew what He was doing before I even saw a need.  I remember a sermon I heard a long time ago - can't remember the verse associated with it, but I'll give it my best shot. Try and picture a man leading a donkey. Donkies are stubborn, especially when someone (mainly their master, in human case, God) tells them to do something they don't want to do. They question and challenge. They fight with all their might. They want to do what they want to do and they are going to do everything on their power to fight you if that's what they choose. With kindness, love, fairness, and training you can teach a donkey to follow you. To lead. God knows when that training should take place and how long it should take. By the time I graduate, I will have been in college five years. In order for me to teach children, and succeed at the appointment given I have to complete my internship. In order for ministers to teach the Bible accurately, they have to complete their seminary. Anything in life worth doing is worth doing right, and heeds training. Complete training. 

My assignment is to form citizens, scholars, presidents, mothers, fathers, doctors, lawyers, engineers, care takers, voters, and businesspersons. I will physically touch every person in my classroom and hopefully will give them something to think about when they leave. Something to challenge them to do good with their life, something moral. 

I have the best jobs in the world.
I am a follower of His Word
I am a wife 
I am a mother
I am a teacher 

and I would not trade these assignments for anything. I am proud of the things God has accomplished through me and the blessings set forth in my life.  I teach because I can do - and also because I can teach your children to do.

 If you can read this, Thank a teacher. 

Monday, May 24, 2010


Hannah had a rash this passed week so we took her to the doc to see if everything was ok. All her tests and cultures came back fine. They thought maybe the area was just irritated. They told us to put diaper ointment on it to calm it down. That's something I haven't had to do in a while.

Had my D&C check up today. I wasn't really nervous because nothing felt wrong.. I just didn't want him to say that we had to wait three months or so to try again! we got some good news, tho! everything looked really good and my numbers were down so he said we could start trying again when we felt ready.. we got the go ahead! w00t w00t! as a friend of mine would say.

Today is Monday so that means Wes works a full 24 hour shift today which really stinks. the guy he's working for called him yesterday to let him know that he might not be needed, so we made plans to go out to dinner if he doesn't have to work.

We had a great day yesterday as well.. After church Hannah had a swimming play date with a family friend, Ella.  I didn't take a whole lot of pictures because I was too busy having fun, but this was my favorite picture of the day

Big girl Ella and scaredy cat Hannah sticking safely to the float!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Jesus Loves Me

I don't have anything in particular to talk about this morning just thought I might catch y'all up on some thoughts I was having. 

God has already spoken volumes to me this morning! How UH-MAZING is He!?!?  Wes and I had talked yesterday about going to visit my dad's parents. Reason #1 - I needed to go to Troy to buy a very special baby shower gift for a friend. Reason #2 - Wes wanted to take the kayaks and go for a ride! Reason #3 - my dad wanted us to come down and see the new house! how many reasons does He need to give me to go to South Montgomery County? I just need to stop being so stubborn and be obedient to my Father. I don't really want to go, but if I can't follow this small request, I will have hardened my heart, and maybe next time I won't be as opened to hear His plans for me. (Sorry if none of that makes sense -- apparently I don't know how to clearly explain myself)

Apparently, He thinks I'm getting a little too big for my panties! My, how I'm humbled. Since the miscarriage I've gotten tons of emails. I've received email after email saying " You'll get through this, you're strong/ a strong Christian family". This gave me hope because I knew I could get through it. As horrible as this sounds, I've already gotten over it! I've accepted it, and I own it! He convicted me this morning. Do you remember the story of Whitney Cerak? She and some friends were coming home from either a Bible Camp or a mission trip when their bus was hit by an 18-wheeler. She and her friend, Laura Van Ryn, were seriously injured. One fatally, one critically. Anyways, to make a long story short it was a case of mistaken identity. Remember? Their families were on the Today Show this morning updating everyone on their progress. Matt Lauer asked them about their faith (can't remember the exact question - I think it was something like -- were you ever angry with or question God?) One of the dads said "we are not strong, we are weak, He is strong."  God started to speak to me in that moment and moved me to tears. I started to think about Hannah's favorite Sunday school song - Jesus Loves Me. Here are the lyrics

Jesus Loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little Ones to Him Belong
We are weak, but He is strong!

That's not all the lyrics, but those are the ones that everyone knows.  I never really thought about the meaning of the lyrics until this point. How could I avoid it? It was SCREAMING at me! I am weak, I am a sinner, I've gone astray, I'm the prodigal son! He is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. He and His Word are perfect! He is strong, because without Him nothing is possible. There are several verses which state that. 

  • Luke 1:37 -  For nothing is impossible with God
  • Philippians 4:13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength
  • John 15:5 “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing
  • John 15:16 You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.
There are SEVERAL more throughout the entire Bible, but these are the only ones I remember specifically enough to post. I wanted to share one from Matthew, but now I can't seem to find it.. I guess it's not where I thought it was.
Tomorrow, Thursday and Monday are going to be busy days for us because we have dentist appt's and Monday I have to go back to my OB for my check up. In this check up we will find out the sex of our angel, find out "what went wrong" and where to go from here and how long we have to wait to start trying again. It's pretty amazing to me that they can find out EXACTLY what went wrong. We did not elect to undergo genetic testing because this is just my first miscarriage. If it had been my third of fourth, then I know my doctor would deem it almost mandatory. There is a girl on YouTube that I've discovered who went through three miscarriages and she had one of them tested to see what was wrong with it. They found there was something wrong with the baby's 22 chromosome. They also found that her progesterone levels weren't strong enough to sustain a baby after 6 weeks. Which also happened to a friend of mine. My friend is now pregnant with a sweet baby boy and is due in September! This girl now has a beautiful baby boy and he's GORGEOUS! i stayed up til about 3 this morning watching her videos. So intriguing. 

Can't wait to start trying for another! SOooo excited!!

Monday, May 10, 2010

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

The title of my blog for today doesn't have anything to do with the subject, but my minister used this is his sermon this passed week and it sang to me :)

Since we were given the news about our miscarriage, I've been pretty shaky. One minute I'm up, and one minute I'm down. But that's typical. A lot has also happened since then.
We found out Monday
Tuesday we spent the day at the house by ourselves while Little Miss Hannah spent the day at her great grandparents
Wednesday we visited with them and went fishing
Thursday was my D&C
Friday Wes and I went to see Iron Man 2 and a little Mother's Day shopping
Saturday we got our sweet angel back and cooked out with some friends
Sunday Wes went back to work and I spent the day with my Mommy!

My favorite picture from our fishing trip, Wednesday

I was told Thursday that I would not have an appetite after the surgery. Boy were they wrong! Right after I woke up I was ready to eat. Breakfast = bacon egg and cheese along with hashbrowns lunch = fried chicken, sweet potatoes, butter beans, and cornbread from Martins.. I can't remember what I had for dinner that night but I'm sure it was great! Just another affirmation that my God will get me through this!

Friends and family have gotten us through a very difficult time. I've never really done well by myself. I enjoy company so it's really warmed my heart to have everyone offer their condolences and well wishes. My mother, daddy, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law have made more trips down here in the passed week than they have in a year ;)

Everything happens for a reason. That's definitely something I have always believed. Yes, we lost a baby, but what we have gained has been so much more amazing. I've seen God's Hand in my life more this passed week than ever before (either He has, or I'm just looking for it more). I've had friends from JR HIGH SCHOOL email me and share their experiences with me. I might have lost a baby, but I've gained sisterhood.
I'm speechless to know that these women care so much :)

Mother's Day was really difficult for me. Wes had to go back to work and I was supposed to work in the bed babies room during our second service. As much as I love those youngins it wasn't healthy for me to keep them that week. Physically or emotionally. There was a couple sitting adjacent to us with a BRAND NEW BABY and she was cutest thing in the whole sanctuary! Which of course got me crying. Then our music director welcomed everyone and said "I want to wish all the mom's out there a Happy Mother's Day, whether they have lost their mom, or whether they've lost a child" THAT DID IT! I couldn't hold it together any longer. I was crying partly because I was still in mourning for our baby, and partly because my God knows I need Him right now. He knows about me, and loves me, and He's there for me. I can always count of my Daddy to take care of me. I'm in this church for a reason. These people work in this church for a reason. He's using these people to speak to me, and what a GREAT job He is doing, too!

One more thing... May 17, 2010 will be the 1 year anniversary of my baptism! In that year I have gone from being a believer to being a follower (There is a difference). In that year we have stressed our marriage and He has fixed it (and made us better than ever). In that year, He has given us life and has taken it away from us. I can't thank my God enough for the blessings He has bestowed on me.

He knows I want to be a mother more than anything in the world (and if you talk to me long enough I'm sure you'll figure it out too). I have an UH-MAZING husband that loves me unconditionally and a daughter that is the apple of my eye. We might not have conceived Hannah God's way, but we are raising her God's way and I could not be more proud of my sweet, ALREADY God-fearing little girl. Wes has been there for me like none other this week and I owe my sanity partly to him. He is my earthly rock and I don't know where I would be without him. I didn't know exactly how I wanted to explain to Hannah about our loss, but I talked to our pastor and he advised that all we tell her is that God wants us to wait a little longer in order to have another baby in the house and that the baby went to live in Heaven with Jesus. Her Response? She wanted to take an airplane to Heaven to visit with Jesus and the baby. Tell me that's not the cutest thing ever?

My priority lies with my God, husband and child for the moment. My time will come.

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Father of Mercies and God of All Comfort

As some of you know we went last week to our first baby doctor appt! I thought I was supposed to measure 7 weeks but I was only measuring 6. Didn't think anything of it because that kind of thing happens ALL the time. They wanted me to come back today and pretend that the first appt didn't even happen. I kinda felt like something was wrong. Nothing would have prepared me for what my God had in store for me. When the U/S tech examined me she noticed I didn't progress any with my growth. I was still measuring 6 weeks (in my opinion I was supposed to be 8 and according to the docs I should have been 7) Wes, Hannah and I have suffered what is known as a missed miscarriage. 

A missed miscarriage occurs when the fetus dies, however the woman's body continues as if the fetus is still viable.  (This is probably why I started to look pregnant even though I wasn't) The diagnosis of a missed miscarriage is usaully considered after fetal heart tones are not heard or the size of the uterus has not grown.  Then a ultrasound will be performed which will show a fetus that stopped growing several weeks prior to the ultrasound and there will be no fetal heart tones.    
A missed miscarriage will usually have no signs and symptoms initially.  The woman will usuall feel as if the pregnancy is going just fine.    Other women have stated that they have lost some of the signs and symptoms of pregnancy such as breast tenderness, nausea, and / or fatigue (This is what happened in my case.. I just woke up one morning and didn't feel pregnant anymore).  With a missed miscarraige women will not have lower abdominal or pelvic pain
There are several causes for a missed miscarriage and it depends on when during the pregnancy the missed miscarriage occurs.  Due to the fact that most missed  miscarriages occur within the first twelve weeks of gestation the cause is most commonly due to chromosomal abnormalities within the fetus.  These chromosomal abnormalities can be due to several factors including poor quality sperm or egg, abnormal cell division of the fetus, and / or genetic abnormalities of either mother or father. 
There are treatments; however. On Thursday I will be wheeled into Jackson's Surgery center at 6am to undergo a D&C.  A D&C entails a women going into the hospital and having anesthesia while an obstitrician "cleans her out" (I know this is personal information, and I know that some of you might not be able to handle this, but this is what my God is carrying me through) This is done for a missed miscarriage to prevent infections, severe bleeding and other associated complications.  A benefit of this type of treatment is that the products of conception are sent to a pathologist for evaluation and genetic testing can be performed if so desired.

I truly want to thank all of our friends and family members that have supported us and been there for us through good times and now. I don't think I could hold it together if Wes and I had to suffer through this alone. The great thing about a healthy woman suffering a miscarriage is that is almost NEVER happens again. So you better believe that we are gonna get back to work as soon as we get the go ahead from the doctors!

I want to thank my doctor as well for giving me the news last week because if I had to suffer through a miscarriage this week I think they would have to hospitalize me for a mental breakdown or something. The fact that he brought this to our attention last week gave me the opportunity to mourn the loss of our miracle during a nonstressful time. I want to send praises to my God for carrying me through such a difficult time. The most amazing thing is is that He already knew it was going to happen. My daddy is protecting me every minute of every day and I can't begin to fathom the love He has for me. Just because I lost a child doesn't mean I am going to allow my faith to dwindle and to take a child away from Him. 

I always try to end my blog with God's perfect Word relating to my post and I have tons after tons of Scripture that I would love to share with you.

  • 2 Corinthians 5:7 For we live by believing and not by seeing
  • 1 Peter 1:7 These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world
  • Galations 2:20 My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me ( I LOVE LOVE LOVE this scripture, because even though my flesh and blood my fail.. my faith will never fail)
  • Matthew 9:22 Jesus turned around, and when he saw her he said, “Daughter, be encouraged! Your faith has made you well.” And the woman was healed at that moment

Who better to take care of my baby than the God who made him? I send praises to You because You are God and Your plan is PERFECT! I have no room to complain because You gave Your only Son so that I may live. 

Also, I would like everyone to pray for my grandfather, Pop. He had surgery last week to remove what doctor's believe was a benign fatty tumor about the size of an egg from his back. He has to go back to the doctor the same day I go into surgery for the results and to check his healing. Pray God keeps His healing hand on my Pop and his doctors as well. :)