Monday, May 10, 2010

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

The title of my blog for today doesn't have anything to do with the subject, but my minister used this is his sermon this passed week and it sang to me :)

Since we were given the news about our miscarriage, I've been pretty shaky. One minute I'm up, and one minute I'm down. But that's typical. A lot has also happened since then.
We found out Monday
Tuesday we spent the day at the house by ourselves while Little Miss Hannah spent the day at her great grandparents
Wednesday we visited with them and went fishing
Thursday was my D&C
Friday Wes and I went to see Iron Man 2 and a little Mother's Day shopping
Saturday we got our sweet angel back and cooked out with some friends
Sunday Wes went back to work and I spent the day with my Mommy!

My favorite picture from our fishing trip, Wednesday

I was told Thursday that I would not have an appetite after the surgery. Boy were they wrong! Right after I woke up I was ready to eat. Breakfast = bacon egg and cheese along with hashbrowns lunch = fried chicken, sweet potatoes, butter beans, and cornbread from Martins.. I can't remember what I had for dinner that night but I'm sure it was great! Just another affirmation that my God will get me through this!

Friends and family have gotten us through a very difficult time. I've never really done well by myself. I enjoy company so it's really warmed my heart to have everyone offer their condolences and well wishes. My mother, daddy, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law have made more trips down here in the passed week than they have in a year ;)

Everything happens for a reason. That's definitely something I have always believed. Yes, we lost a baby, but what we have gained has been so much more amazing. I've seen God's Hand in my life more this passed week than ever before (either He has, or I'm just looking for it more). I've had friends from JR HIGH SCHOOL email me and share their experiences with me. I might have lost a baby, but I've gained sisterhood.
I'm speechless to know that these women care so much :)

Mother's Day was really difficult for me. Wes had to go back to work and I was supposed to work in the bed babies room during our second service. As much as I love those youngins it wasn't healthy for me to keep them that week. Physically or emotionally. There was a couple sitting adjacent to us with a BRAND NEW BABY and she was cutest thing in the whole sanctuary! Which of course got me crying. Then our music director welcomed everyone and said "I want to wish all the mom's out there a Happy Mother's Day, whether they have lost their mom, or whether they've lost a child" THAT DID IT! I couldn't hold it together any longer. I was crying partly because I was still in mourning for our baby, and partly because my God knows I need Him right now. He knows about me, and loves me, and He's there for me. I can always count of my Daddy to take care of me. I'm in this church for a reason. These people work in this church for a reason. He's using these people to speak to me, and what a GREAT job He is doing, too!

One more thing... May 17, 2010 will be the 1 year anniversary of my baptism! In that year I have gone from being a believer to being a follower (There is a difference). In that year we have stressed our marriage and He has fixed it (and made us better than ever). In that year, He has given us life and has taken it away from us. I can't thank my God enough for the blessings He has bestowed on me.

He knows I want to be a mother more than anything in the world (and if you talk to me long enough I'm sure you'll figure it out too). I have an UH-MAZING husband that loves me unconditionally and a daughter that is the apple of my eye. We might not have conceived Hannah God's way, but we are raising her God's way and I could not be more proud of my sweet, ALREADY God-fearing little girl. Wes has been there for me like none other this week and I owe my sanity partly to him. He is my earthly rock and I don't know where I would be without him. I didn't know exactly how I wanted to explain to Hannah about our loss, but I talked to our pastor and he advised that all we tell her is that God wants us to wait a little longer in order to have another baby in the house and that the baby went to live in Heaven with Jesus. Her Response? She wanted to take an airplane to Heaven to visit with Jesus and the baby. Tell me that's not the cutest thing ever?

My priority lies with my God, husband and child for the moment. My time will come.

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