Thursday, September 27, 2012

Thirsty Thursdays: Part 1

You're probably thinking "Why does she always refer to alcohol on her blog? Isn't she a Christian?"
Ha, well yes, my friend, I am a Christian and I do in fact strongly dislike alcohol.
But, I love idioms too (does that fit here?)
I'm limited in my vocabulary skills, sorry.

I found this girl after goofing around on the computer and was completely blessed by her testimony.
Since I plan on sharing mine this fall it wouldn't hurt to shoot for a dry run.
So here we go, buckle up. It's ugly

Had a great childhood until my parent's divorce. I was seven and my sister was four.
Mom says dad had to "go away", but still, to this day, no one will talk about it.
I felt so unlovable, I felt abandoned
My mom would bad mouth my dad to me. At the time, I was too young to really understand what was going on. But as an adult, how could you do that to a child? What was going on in your mind that convinced you it was okay to burden a child with adult situations?
She soon started dating a man who would later become my step dad. My dad was still "away" and they were both still married, even her boyfriend was still married. 

Before my family broke apart we were involved in a teeny little southern Baptist church, but after the divorce, my mom was guilted into leaving. So I've always been hesitant to get back into church. I felt back then, and sometimes still today think there is too much judgment in the church.   

Elementary school was hard for me, socially. Every other weekend was spent at my grandparents house, and since I never knew where I was going to be, I couldn't go to sleepovers, or birthday parties. Holidays were spent traveling instead of actually getting to enjoy that holiday with my family.

 junior high was even worse. I did make one friend however that later introduced me to marijuana in ninth grade. Finally, for that moment I didn't have to think about my family problems, I could just relax and be free. Through this friend I met a boy and lost my virginity at the age of 14. He broke up with me two weeks later.

(wow, this is a lot harder than I thought)

In tenth grade, we went our separate ways and I was in a school where I met a lot of good people. I started dating a boy who wouldn't allow any of my previous behavior into his life. He was such an encouragement to me and soon my partying days were over. I still wasn't in church, but we would attend youth group on Wednesday nights along with a lot of other kids from our school. I really thought things were looking up. I still had some misgivings about this church and the students attending, because they seemed so fake, but I was learning about Jesus and I was adding dimension to my life, so I was happy. 

About a year and a half into our relationship, we had run our course. He started dating another girl and I started hanging around my old friends again. My friends introduced me to another boy (my future husband) and two weeks into our relationship we were saying I love you, and it got serious.... quick. I was screaming for attention, and I was willing to take whatever kind of attention I could get. 

I had so much anger inside me and I couldn't really understand why. I just knew it was there.

read part 2 here

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