Thursday, September 27, 2012

Thirsty Thursday: Part 2

At the age of 16 I had three knotches under my belt and I started to spiral
I had no respect for my mother for leaving my father
I had no respect for her cheating
I had no respect for her talking bad about my dad
I had no respect for my dad not being there
but I did have respect for him taking a job out of state to provide for me sister and me

My mother and I got into a fight one night and I became so enraged that I threw a remote at her head

I was booked and spent about 3 hours in solitary
instead of going to jail I was sent to anger management

Even though I was smoking marijuana and partying I wasn't into alcohol. It just wasn't my thing.

I got into a really bad car accident one night while racing a boy down the street. I had a couple bumps and bruises but was basically unscathed.
This was the first time I felt like God was real because it could have been a lot more serious.
but my partying went to another level when I was introduced to cocaine. I didn't really like it, but I wanted to feel numb 
My pot smoking, alcohol drinking boyfriend drew the line there and broke up with me that very next night.

After that I fell into a really deep depression... like the not eating, sleeping all the time, in my room all night, screaming, crying fits you only see in the movies. I remember one night my boss sent me home because I was so hysterical over the situation.

I started counseling and stopped doing drugs, and once again things started looking up.

We all know that didn't last long.

Started hanging out with a girl from school over Spring Break and went to a college party where I met my NEXT boyfriend, and he introduced me to alcohol, but that didn't last long because he was verbally abusive towards me

Went off to college, and did well the first few months, but I still allowed myself to be used by so many men....

In October of my freshman year I ran into an old boyfriend (the one that would be my future husband) and he made me realize how I was living was going to ruin me. 

I stopped partying, I stopped drinking, I stopped drugging and I thought things were looking up, I felt normal again.

My boyfriend and I started dating again that month and around Thanksgiving that year found out we were pregnant.

My entire life I wanted someone to love me uncondtionally, I wanted someone to love me for all my faults so of course I was over the moon because that child was going to finally fill the void. 

We decided to do the right thing and got married in January 2006, the holiest day there was. 

So there I was, married and pregnant... and a sophmore in college. 
yeah, that meshed well together.... =/

read part 3 here

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